I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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