Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Found the puke drawer
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
