In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
