It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
