What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
