dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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