We're facebook friends in real life
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize