puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
