If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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