please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
there is puke in my bra ... again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
