it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
