I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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