Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
