in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
