matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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