I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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