Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
