this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
