I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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