you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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