remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
