I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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