so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
