and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
