She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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