I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
