No stitches, just platelets and will power
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
