What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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