Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
