I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
