ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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