too bad you live with your parents still
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
