it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
