Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
