I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
