I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
