Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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