watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
