The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
