Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
