when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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