He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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