Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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