so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
