He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
