we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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