I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
