is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
