She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
