Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
