dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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