Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
