Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
