so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm both gender and math confused
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
