I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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