in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
