SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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