Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
