Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
