Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize