I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
