Soap is not a condiment
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
