he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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