if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
