Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
