my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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